omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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