Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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