why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
