What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
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