dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
