you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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