If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
it hurts more in the daytime
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
