we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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