i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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