She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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