Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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