Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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