new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
BRING THE BAGELS
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
