Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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