Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
