I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
