Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
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