my room smells like sperm. sweet.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
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