Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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