bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Randomize
