my mouth tastes like poor choices
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
i am craving dick and cupcakes
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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