He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
