The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
