We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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