I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
