I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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