Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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