Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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