Her vagina should come with caution tape.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
