pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
