God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
