did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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