so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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