Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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