omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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