dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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