I met the friendliest cop last night
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
