i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
