Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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