By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
