My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
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We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
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A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
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