either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
