to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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