Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
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