How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize