so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I fill condoms, not promises.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
