So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
