dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
