the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
