I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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