my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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