I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I think your dad took our porno
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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