No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
