the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
