New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
