i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
