Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
