Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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