went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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