so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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