I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I wish I could teleport
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
