Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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