It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
