please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
