when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
