The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
