I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
