Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
high people should be assigned attendants
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
We got so high we made milksteak
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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