dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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