I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
