thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
if only i could text you this smell
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
