how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
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I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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