the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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