now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
