Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
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