o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
