Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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