we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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